Feng Shui Follow-Up

HELLO MY FABULOUS DAUGHTER,

As you will recall, I recently embarked upon a chi-freeing mission on your father's side of the bedroom closet. I had utilized my skills as a creative seamstress to "fix" articles of deteriorated clothing, and when necessary I took scissors to offending items or poked my fingers through holes to enlarge them so that your dear father would better be able to recognize and acknowledge the item was at the end of it's usefulness. The result has been that upon occasion I have been awakened in the morning by your father's gentle chuckling, the odd cry of surprise and on more than one occasion by a sock ball bouncing off my head. However, clearly the most amusing discovery was when your father found the jeans I had so cleverly repaired for him. They had lain for some time neatly folded amongst his other jeans and were not discovered until I fell far behind on my laundry chores due to a vast array of preferable activities I chose to enjoy instead. Your father was hastily getting dressed in our large walk-in closet while your sister sat on the edge of our bed chatting with me about the forthcoming activities of the day. Our conversation was interrupted by a loud, "HEY!" coming from behind the closet doors which suddenly flew open. Your father stood before us in his repaired jeans ... your sister and I laughed heartily at the sight before us. I had repaired the holes in the knees of the jeans in such a way as to make the legs bend opposite that of a natural knee bend and as a result when your father put the jeans on they were extremely tight and bunched above each knee in the front and were pulled and bunched in a myriad of horizontal pleats above the knees in the back. This pleating shortened the jeans severely so that their hem fell just below your dear father's calves. He sported a look of annoyance on his face as he stood before us with his arms crossed over his chest, complaining loudly that I had ruined a perfectly good pair of jeans. Your sister was laughing so hard she fell off the edge of the bed and your father was soon laughing too when the fit of the jeans caused him to very nearly fall when he attempted to bend over to help your sister back to her feet.

Today when I was emptying the dryer, I was startled to discover a pair of your father's underwear, the backside of which I had recently and enthusiastically ripped from side seam to side seam. Do you suppose that early one morning this past week, when winter darkness helped to hide my "fixes" that the dear man actually wore this article of clothing to work ... ? I've neatly folded them once again and placed them in his drawer.

Looking forward to seeing you home for Christmas.

LOVE YOUR WONDERFUL MOTHER