Call Me Ruby

HELLO MY FABULOUS DAUGHTER,

Everyone here at home is well and looking forward to seeing you at Christmas. Nothing too terribly exciting has transpired over the past week, however, I did have a good laugh today as I was sorting through old photographs (freeing chi, as you know is one of my new missions in life) and found one from our house boating adventures on Shushwap Lake.

We were houseboating with the Smiths, Roaches, and Woods. We had two houseboats between the four families; we shared a boat with the Smiths and the other boat was shared by the Roaches and Woods. Between the two boats there were 9 children, all under 10 years of age, and we were having a jolly time in inclement weather, playing card games and I Spy while the radio crackled as Red Beard (your dear father in the days when the grey had not yet assimilated the majority of his hair follicles) and Beer Belly (Dave Roach) radioed back and forth to one another as they searched for a suitable beach upon which to camp the boats for the night. It was the third day of drizzing rain and although we'd shared many laughs and excellent meals, we were feeling rather unamused by the weather as we were untanned (not an actual word, but I like it and am going to use it), and largely unwashed (the head on our boat had a few problems and was emitting an unfavourable odour). Captains Red Beard and Beer Belly agreed that for a diversion we should visit the floating store in the middle of the lake and stock up on beer and marshmallows for the ridiculously large campfire they intended to build that evening, so our houseboat was soon chugging forward in the direction of the busy floating store. As we drew alongside the store, I heard your father exclaim, Hey, I know that guy on the dock - he's a customer of mine. I peered over your father's shoulder and saw a man passing a bag of groceries from the dock to his houseboat. Your father decided he was going to moor our houseboat near his customer's, but first looked at me and said, Quick, go put on some lipstick.

Put on some lipstick?! I nearly fell over - I had been camping in a damp houseboat for days, sharing a single tiny barely functioning marine toilet with 7 other people, assisting with the feeding, caring and entertaining of 9 young children during three days of spitting, spiteful rain and your father had the nerve to tell me to put on some lipstick! I looked up at him, smiled sweetly and said, I'll be right back. I searched our "stateroom" for my purse, pulled out a tube of lipstick and headed for the mirror in the head. Now I must admit that my reflected self was not the most glamourous image I had seen reflected back at me, however, given the circumstance, I thought I looked OK, even better than OK without artificial colour - however, clearly my darling husband had found my appearance to be lacking, and as you know, I live to please him, so I hastily applied the lipstick and headed back to the captain's station.

I shall forever remember the wide-eyed expression on your father's face when he saw me smiling up at him, me with with my natural smile enhanced from ear to ear with ruby red lipstick.

I never did have the pleasure of meeting his customer that day.

Have a good day at work.

LOVE YOUR WONDERFUL MOTHER