Oh Daddy!

MY DEAR FABULOUS DAUGHTER,

You have asked me if anything especially interesting or amusing happened during my trip to the south of France with your dear father and our lovely friends Bev and Rob.  Aside from fun in the sun (and the rain and the tornado), good food, good wine, beautiful scenery, and incredible UNESCO World Heritage sites, there were many interesting and amusing moments, however, one in particular immediately jumps to mind.

It was the end of another a long, languid day of boat travel; and we were just about to enter the final loch before dinner.  This loch was different than any other we'd passed through over the previous 10 days, as rather than being situated along the canal and operated from outside an old house, this one was situated just off the side of a river we'd travelled and was operated from outside an unlikely looking bar/restaurant in a forest.  We had lined up with other boats to await our turn in the loch and Rob had scampered off the boat up the embankment with a rope in hand so that he could guide our penichette to its spot in the loch.  As the gates of the loch opened Captain Garth manoeuvred us forward with two other penichettes and we took our place inside.  The usual air of calm efficiency that had marked our progress through numerous other lochs was interrupted by a loud hoot that came from the bar/restaurant at the edge of the loch.  All eyes leapt to the fence at the very edge of the loch, behind which stood a person, beer can in hand and an arm and bejewelled hand outstretched over the fence.  At first I wasn't sure of the gender of this person, but after he/she let loose another loud hoot and raucous laughter, and I'd taken a good hard look, I realized it was a transgendered person.  She had short flaming red hair, wore a large beaded choker style necklace around her thick neck that rested just below her Adam's apple, she wore matching earrings, and a bright green satin blouse that was the complimentary colour to her flaming hair.  Laughter erupted from the other boaters in the loch and I looked at Bev who was manning the rope at the bow of the boat and watched her mouth drop open and an expression of dawning horror cross her lovely face.  Puzzled, I looked back at our flaming haired friend, who now had both hands outstretched over the fence and was howling in a gravely voice, "Oh Daddy!"  I craned my neck to get a look at the object of her attention - and realized with a start that it was our own dear Rob!  

Now I must tell you, that Rob did look rather universally appealing in a Ralph Lauren/Village People sort of way, wearing a well-fitting black t-shirt upon his muscular frame that complimented his short cropped silver hair and tidy moustache rather nicely.  He wore a pair of shorts that exposed his athletic legs to their best advantage, and his ever handsome face was sporting it's usual expression of good nature.  He smiled and offered the woman a shy wave as he carried on with the normal business of winding the ropes around the moorings and tossing them back onboard - all the while the woman was shouting that we should throw him into the loch so she could drag him out and ravish him on the spot.  I looked again at Bev - her face was still frozen in a gape-mouthed expression of horror.  But the horror of it all was still to come ... our transgendered friend had suddenly disappeared - an instant later there she was at the side of our boat, teetering precariously near the edge of the loch on her platform sandals.  She was clearly inebriated and we held our collective breath as she stumbled over something and nearly fell into the loch.  She did, however, regain her balance and let loose a loud belly laugh and as her hands flew to her blouse buttons, I knew without a doubt that next we'd see the perky hormonally enhanced breasts she was bralessly sporting beneath the blouse - sure enough ... I heard a terrible gasp come from Bev's constricted throat (the ill effect of having one's mouth agape for a protracted period of time) and your charming father exclaimed, "We're definitely going into that bar!"

"Ah-ha-ha-ha! Ah-ha-ha-ha!" the woman laughed and growled as she presented us with her hounds tooth-checkered backside and bent forward while making a motion with her hands as though she was about to drop her drawers and present us with the 'whole package' ... however the bounds of decency, to some extent, prevailed, and instead of baring her all, she smacked her bottom several times, wished us "bon journee", blew kisses and staggered toward an awaiting car, where she turned and gave us a final flash of breast before she was driven away.

I must say that I was most impressed by the calm, nonchalant way in which Rob handled himself through the entire incident.  He merely shook his head and sighed at the end of it all and these spare gestures have lead me to believe that such occurrences must be a part of his every day experience and that, handsome devil that he his, he is quite used to being accosted by people of all genders and persuasions and to being the centre of their diverse fantasies.

We referred to Rob as "Daddy" for the duration of the trip.

Have a good day at work darling,

LOVE YOUR WONDERFUL MOTHER